


Propriety Damned

by TempleMap



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Eren Yeager, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Porn with Feelings, Rutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:49:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24597793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempleMap/pseuds/TempleMap
Summary: Eventually, you stop caring for propriety.(In which Levi doesn't realize it's Eren's first time).* Now with a 2nd chapter *(In which Levi doesn't realize it's the last time).
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 56
Kudos: 630





	1. Chapter 1

Eventually, you stop caring for propriety.

Because —

“Captain.”

Because human bones break like the twigs you snap beneath your heel. You die. You expect to die, bleeding and wailing between teeth taller than your stature.

So you grip to life; the little you have of it. The limited freedoms, the short-lasting implosions that happen by your own accord. It’s all you’re given.

And you take it.

“I’m… Ah, I’m… I’m going to—”

“Leg over my shoulder, Eren.”

To be the witness of death does not strip one of humanity — it invigorates it.

And it is why, on the night they set fire to the dead, Levi is buried to the hilt within Eren Jaeger.

Eren Jaeger, who winces beneath him; there is no healed wound on either of them. Levi’s leg wails as he rocks forward. There are bruises, still, on Eren’s body.

Yet here they are. And here is Eren, his head thrown back, his neck arched and exposed. Mouth open, panting. Eyes shut. Brows knit into worry. His hands are calloused — gripping ODM wires without gloves — and his fingers press bruises into the back of Levi’s arms.

“Don’t come,” says Levi, and it’s selfish, sure. Fucking Eren makes the stink of burning people feel like last year’s memory. Fucking Eren takes away that image of Petra’s corpse rotting in an open field. It makes the death Levi will face tomorrow, and the day after, and the one following more palpable.

Because he has now, and even when he’s dying, he will still have had this moment.

“Captain—”

Eren stammers; his breath catches in his throat. “I’m—” There’s an upward lift to his body; his hips give a little thrust into Levi’s hand, still pumping at his cock as Levi fucks him. He bends further at the knees, bringing Levi’s body closer and deeper into him. An unsteady breath. An unsteady breath. Eren gives another unsteady breath, and Levi can feel the boy’s heart thrashing behind skin, and muscle, and bone.

“Oh god—” And Eren gasps, his voice cracking at the end. His body’s gone tense before his lips press tight — a moan forms behind them. His hips thrust upward once, twice, thrice, and he’s coming; spilling against Levi’s stomach, jerking and shivering and panting out half-choked sobs of apology.

And Levi quickens, he slams, thrusting in and out through Eren’s orgasm. He’s taking every last bit that he can — can masturbate to the feeling’s memory later — before his partner’s gone flaccid. Eren’s tight around him. Moreso, while he’s coming.

And then the boy’s spent — his skin flushed, his breath labored. Still twitching in his fingers and toes. Levi pulls out. His cock is still hard, but he hates the mess that’s between the two of them and moreso hates fucking a body that’s only letting him use it.

He’s on the other side of the room, wiping a handcloth down his stomach, when Eren finally says, “I’m so sorry, Captain. I’m so sorry.”

God, by the sound of that voice, there must be tears in the kid’s eyes. Not that Levi is glancing over his shoulder to see.

“It’s fine,” he says. “Like with anything, it takes time to build up endurance.”

There’s a sniff. And this time, Levi can’t help but look behind him, to the bed where Eren sits beneath the covers. His face red as all hell. Looking crestfallen and beaten.

How can one not take pity.

“Listen,” says Levi. “It comes with experience. You learn to switch positions or think about the worst of things when you’re too close. You learn. And at your age, you’ve probably had, what? Only two or three good fucks?”

Eren’s looking down at his hands, can’t make eye contact when he says: “Not even that, Captain.”

And then something clicks. Eren hasn’t got that awkwardness from just an early-sprung load, or the guilt of a captain and subordinate trist.

“You had sex before, Jaeger?”

“N-no, sir. This would be my first, sir.”

Well.

Fuck.

The morning’s tea tastes bitter. Oluo had been the connoisseur of the troop — took pride in the exact time in steeping, or the way the boiling water rolled. 

It’s strange to taste bad tea again. But milk, like meat, is a luxury — there’s no masking the taste except for more water. 

He’d rather it be bitter than it be tasteless; Levi winces with another sip.

Hange watches him. Her lips in a straight line. “Are you holding up okay?” And it’s not about the taste, he knows that. Her voice is too low. Her eyes slanted with pity. 

He says, only, “I’m alright.” 

His entire team has been lost. Petra’s father had fallen to the ground, his knees cracking against stone, when Levi had told him of her death. 

_‘My little girl_ ,’ he had whispered.

“I believe you. This isn’t the first time… or the last. But you should be proud of them—”

“I am.”

“We still have Eren. We wouldn’t without them.”

“I know.”

“Levi.” She reaches a hand across the table, placing it on top of his own. “I’m sorry.” 

The life of this brat is worth the lives of all of them. This mouthy kid who can give nothing more than boundless determination and an unpleasant talent. 

Levi wants to hate him, but he can’t. The fucker; couldn’t even give Levi the satisfying fester of resentment. Couldn’t give him an excuse to dive a knee into his stomach again; to twist and pull hair because, at his core, it’s all Levi knows how to do. To throw his body towards anything he hates and berate it and beat it down until he’s the only one left conscious enough to wipe the blood out from between his fingers. 

But the thing about Eren —

“Captain?”

A little knock against the door. It’s late in the night; so many homes outside the window are dark with sleep. Levi had pondered it, stared at his bed long enough, to try and curb the activity that still rattled in his skull. He’s been alone in his room for, maybe, thirty minutes; had accomplished nothing that brought him closer to sleep.

( _Last night: the door had opened, and there’s Eren. A tray in his hands; a white, porcelain cup. The black liquid of tea sloshing to and fro._

_“I didn’t know if you wanted this or not, but… just in case, Captain.”_

_There’s something troublesome brewing behind Levi’s lips — “You looking to keep me up all night?”_ )

The manor they’re all stationed in, with its halls as big and empty as half the underground, is home until Trost. There’s little sleep. Little word from outside. Hange wears her boots against the floorboards, pacing. The squealing of back and forth, back and forth. They have two days to plan; had spent the entire daylight planning, not mourning. Even into the dark night, Erwin had pondered. The space beneath his eyes dark and sunken. They’re all at their wits end, finding solace in sleep only in the early morning hours. 

Tonight was no different. 

Eren opens the door. 

Another tray of tea, brough in like he’s some little housewife, setting it on the desk inside Levi’s room. He salutes once it’s gone from his hands.

“Sir.”

In hindsight Levi would realize: it was all so obvious. And, how very much like Eren to dive headfirst into anything — into any pain or spur-of-the-moment idea — without a second thought.

This wasn’t Hange, or Petra, or Erwin. He knew where they stood in affairs like this — he could go slow with Petra, minding each word and boundary she gave no issue vocalizing. Hange, all the same, though her boundaries were null by her own accord -- instead, in her confidence she made her calculations obvious, each acting as a move closer. She asks for another glass of wine, pushes her goggles up into her hair; by glass three, her eyes become as thin as a fox’s, her grin all devilish. She always makes the first move, and Levi almost likes it.

And Erwin was Erwin. Nothing more, nothing less. Handling him was like handling a superior’s orders. All sense of duty and clarity; a squared jaw with set lips and that same cold determination in his eyes. He plotted curves of the body like the curves of roads on maps: meticulously. 

But, here was Eren. This steadfast, mouthy brat who had, without much fluster, fallen into a thoughtful docility that Levi had misread for experience. 

It’s pathetic, really, that the kid’s first fuck was all to alleviate Levi’s own burdens.

“Eren.” 

He watches Eren jump at the sound of his name. His hand, gripping the doorknob loosens and lets go. He glances over his shoulder, face twisted in an awkward worry. 

“How do you feel?” Levi asks. 

Eren’s shoulders ease. “I, um, feel fine. A bit worried about confronting Annie. I keep hoping that she’s not… you know.” 

“I see.” 

“But I get it. Logically, I mean. It makes sense that it’s her, but, I feel like I don’t want to believe it.”

Levi gives a little nod. He reaches for the tea Eren had brought for him. Kicks one leg over the other as he leans back in his desk chair. “I don’t know the girl,” he says. “But I can imagine the pain of knowing one of your friends is against you.” 

Eren nods. His eyes follow the wave of Levi’s hand as an invitation to sit. He takes a chair from the side wall and places it a few feet from Levi, sitting awkwardly with his hands in his lap. “She wasn’t,” he mutters, “Wasn’t really my friend, but I respected her all the same. I, kinda, still respect her, if that makes sense.” 

“It does.” 

“Everything is just happening so fast. I feel so guilty for what happened. And now, to think that it’s someone I know who did all of this… And I wasn’t even strong enough to do anything. God,” and he leans forward. Tucks his hands into his hair. “I hate myself for it.” 

“Just make it all worth it,” says Levi. “Prioritize the people who died for you, over the woman who won’t.”

“I know.” Eren gives a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m kinda whining.” 

“It’s alright.” Levi leans forward. His hand reaches out. He settles his palm against the top of Eren’s head and ruffles his dark hair. “It never gets easier. I still stand by what I said: you made a choice, and that was your right to do so. And when you make a choice tomorrow, just think it through. All of it. It’s the only thing you can do. And I know, in you head, you wanted to do the right thing.” 

Eren nods, silent.

Levi’s hand is back around the teacup when the kid finally mutters, “Thank you for talking to me.”

Levi snorts around his cup. “You think I wouldn’t?”

“I was worried you’d still be pissed, after last night.” There’s obvious pink on Eren’s ears, spreading out onto his face. His eyes look away.

_The fuck?_

Levi quirks a brow. He sets his cup aside. “I was never pissed,” he says. “What gave you that idea?”

“I don’t know… I just… um.”

“I can’t read your mind, Eren. Use your words.”

“I just didn’t know what I was doing, and I felt like I ruined all of it. You didn’t even, um…”

 _Fucking hell_ , if Levi has to hear another _‘Um…_ ’

“Did you enjoy it?” Levi cuts in bluntly. Eren’s eyes flash back to him at the question.

“Immensely!” The word tumbles from his mouth with earnest. “But did you?”

Levi nods, finding relief. He blows out a sigh. Rubs a hand over his face. “Nevertheless," he says. "I’m sorry. I wasn’t gentle. First time or not, I should have been.”

“It’s okay. Really.”

“Are you in pain?”

“What do you mean?”

“Does your ass hurt?”

“ _Oh_. Uh. A bit. Yeah, kinda.”

“A lot?”

“Yeah, a lot.”

“Will it give you any trouble with our mission tomorrow?”

“What?” Eren laughs awkwardly. His face has gone red. “No, no. Not at all, no. I’ve had far worse pains and survived.” 

Well, that’s not a lie.

“Tell me,” says Levi, “Is it true your first day in the field you got your leg bitten off?”

Eren gives a shakes of the head. A smile tugs at his lips. “Ah, yeah. And then I got eaten, but I kinda did that to myself.”

“You fucking idiot.” Levi’s got this mirth in his eyes; a simple amazement at the depth of this kid’s ineptitude and subsequent durability. “Gods,” Levi says, “If you weren’t such a freak, you’d be dead by now.”

“Even worse, I would have died a virgin.” 

And that, to Eren’s wide eyes, cracks a laugh out of Levi. The noise deep toned and quick; his face looking lighter and younger than it ever had before. Eren leans forward in his seat, fascinated by the sight.

There’s still a smirk on Levi’s face when he asks, “And can you die with no regrets now?”

“Well, almost,” says Eren. He worries at his lower lip. “I still never made you, um…”

“Just say the word ‘come,’ Eren. We’re adults.”

“I still never made you come.”

And, wow, that shoots a spark straight into Levi’s crotch. But he asks, as neutral as his voice has ever been, “And would you want that? Right now?”

Eren nods and swallows anxiously, his Adam’s apple bobbing at the action. “I would. If Captain doesn’t mind.” 

They bathe, separately. It’s Levi’s only condition.

Eren’s ass is against the floor. His back against the bed. His hands gripping onto the back of Levi’s legs, near where the harnesses have long left their bruises. A finger twitches. 

“Like that,” Levi breathes. He rakes a hand through Eren’s hair. His cock’s buried in Eren’s mouth, his hips carefully and slowly moving forth and back. 

Eren’s got these big, green eyes, outlined by black lashes that Levi can’t help staring at. He runs a thumb beneath one of them, caressing Eren’s cheek. “You okay?”

Eren nods, mumbles something around Levi’s cock. 

“I’m gonna move my hips a bit faster now, alright?”

“Mhm.”

God, he looks so pretty. Nevermind the brat doesn’t know how to properly move his tongue. His grip on Levi tightens as his cock slides against Eren’s mouth. His eyes keep watching him, watering in the corners when Levi hits the back of Eren’s throat.

Eren gags. Pulls back. Coughs, teary eyed. “Sorry,” he manages our hoarsely. 

“Don’t be. You alright?”

Eren nods. 

“Eren,” Levi says. “You want to try? At your own pace.”

And he does. Leaning forward, he slides his lips around Levi’s cock

He’s got no rhythm. No great skill or confidence, but, in the end, what does it matter? It’s Eren, and Levi would be lying if he said he didn’t have some sort of soft spot for the boy. 

“Teeth, Eren.”

“Sorry.”

“Tuck your lips back.”

“Okay.” 

And he tries again, the softness of his lips and his tongue a wet warmth on Levi’s skin. It’s erotic enough in itself to watch Eren on his knees. Trying his best, as he always does. 

But he’s a fast learner, at least. Eren quickens his pace, falling into a back and forth of movement that elicits a contented sigh out of Levi. He brings his hand back to Eren’s hair, fisting his fingers into it, guiding a rhythm.

“Very good,” Levi mutters. “You mind if I take over? I’ll be going fast, though.”

Eren nods. Licks his lips before they tug into a smirk when he says, “Yes, sir.”

_Kinky little shit._

And Levi takes Eren’s head with both of his hands, bringing his mouth back onto his cock, and he juts his hips forward quickly, hitting Eren’s throat immediately, and he pulls out, back in with that same sort of rush, creating a rhythm that has Eren sputtering around his dick. The brat’s jaw goes slack, tongue flat and soft and slick, and his eyes keep on Levi, watching as Levi’s brows furrow in concentration. And _fuck_ , Levi hadn’t realized how damn good this sort of sight was bound to be. How much he loved the bruising of Eren’s fingers, digging into his legs. The sound of the brat gagging; his eyes trained up on him. And that’s the thing about Eren, the brat gives his all, throws himself headfirst into anything that evokes a spark of passion in him. He gives and he gives, and Levi barely notices his own breath taking on that shallow sort of sound, doesn’t noticed his own fingers gripping tighter in Eren’s hair, can’t hear his own voice break as he groans out, “ _Fuck_ ,” hips still bobbing as he ejaculates in Eren’s mouth.

His mind is white-hot and woozy; sparks popping before his eyes. He almost misses the obvious grimace on Eren’s face as he swallows and wipes his mouth.

Levi’s jaw goes slack. “Did you swallow it?”

“I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Oh my god,” Levi breathes, equally disgusted and amazed. “Eren, come here.”

He situates Eren onto his bed, picking him up beneath the arms and laying him on his back. Despite the exhaustion of the late hour and his post-orgasm dip, Levi undoes Eren’s pants and pulls his trousers and underwear down to his knees. The kid’s already hard, pre-come drooling from the tip of Eren’s head. Levi touches a flinger to the slit and Eren hisses in delight. 

“You don’t have to,” says Eren.

“I want to,” says Levi.

The truth is, he doesn’t know what Eren likes. If he chases brash adrenaline like Levi, or prefers slow intimacy. Likely, he has too little experience to know for certain. So Levi slows, trailing soft, gentle fingers against the crest of Eren’s hips. Presses his lips in dips and valleys where his leg and pelvis meet. Eren sighs at the feeling; finds the bravery to touch Levi’s hair. 

It’s different from the night before. What had been just a few coy words, a few friendly touches, had evolved quickly into Eren’s face pressed into the pillow. And now, there’s this, Levi’s breath against the boy’s navel, Eren’s fingers in his hair. It’s not, really, how Levi prefers it — he’s far more carnal — but if there's a chance Eren likes it, so be it.

Levi trails his mouth to where Eren’s pubic hair starts. He mutters against the skin, “I really liked your lips around my dick.” 

Eren hums. 

“I liked that too. You tasted really go— _Ah!_ ” Eren’s hips shift immediately once Levi’s mouth hits home. He writhes at the feeling, the slow, methodical pull of Levi’s lips; the warm pressure of Levi’s tongue trailing the underside of his cock. “Oh god,” Eren groans. He throws an arm over his face. “Fuck.” 

He’s so easy. So vocal. It’s nice. Great, really. Levi pulls back, rests Eren’s cock against his cheek. “Don’t be loud when you come, got it?”

“Yeah,” Eren breathes. “Yes, Captain.” His fingers twitch against Levi’s scalp.

“Alright good.” And Eren’s hip buck again when Levi’s mouth returns. An audible moan presses out his lips. His knee bends, his head presses back into the mattress. 

“I’m—” he starts.

“Just wait,” Levi hisses. He adjusts his tone to something softer: “Just wait.”

A hand replaces where Levi’s mouth once was. Slow and methodical, it works along the shaft, cresting, every so often, the tip of Eren’s dick. “Don’t come yet.”

Eren groans. Presses the palm of his hands against his closed eyes. “You said that last time.”

“So follow orders this time, brat.” 

Levi’s hand speeds up and Eren’s heart-rate goes along with it. And it’s like an anthem, almost, the pace rising, rising, rising, before studying back into a steady verse. Eren’s legs are shaking, his hands knotted in his own hair. He squirms beneath Levi’s grip.

“Can I—?”

“No.” 

It’s cruel, sure, but who knows if they’ll all die in Trost. Levi’s damn well useless now with his torn ankle and Eren’s too much of an idiot to promise he’ll survive, despite Levi’s great hope that he will. 

Maybe this is it. Their last night alive.

“Captain—”

And it wouldn’t be so bad, to think this is the last night. To have fucked around with a brat who could end up changing this miserable world. This brat who’s been looking at him, like Levi’s the greatest gift to humanity, when it’s been Eren all along. 

“Alright,” says Levi. His hand works faster. He leans forward. Buries his face and settles his breath into the crook of Eren’s neck. “Alright. I want to hear you come.”

And that’s it. That does it. Eren’s hips pitch upward. A hand grips against Levi’s skull; Eren’s lips open in a choked moan. “God,” he weeps, pressing Levi’s head closer into him. “God, God, _Godgodgodgod_ —”

It’s beautiful. Glorious. Fuck, it’s good. Levi turns his head just enough to watch Eren’s spunk hit the open palm of his other hand. Eren’s breath is ragged against him. Sweat pools at this brow. His body twitches, rises; Levi can feel his muscles tense and release and then Eren goes slack.

Levi looks at him with a bored expression (despite feeling the utter opposite). “Good job.”

Eren laughs. His voice is gravely. “Thanks," he mutters. He draws a long sigh. 

“You feeling better?”

Eren smiles. 

“You know, during this whole time… I never worried about a thing at all.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no intention of adding a second chapter. But: I was so touched and overwhelmed by the amount of kindness of every comment especially, as well as every bookmark and kudo, that I wanted to add this closing chapter as a thank you. 
> 
> And I'll say it again: from the bottom of my heart... Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy.

Eren does not smile at the sight of the ocean.

This boy — or, man now, really — had bled and wailed and wept for it. Had bitten his hand to the bone, his teeth piercing through skin and muscle, always leaving behind half-circles of greening bruises. He had paled and dropped to his knees for it, blood ekeing from his nose and mouth; fat, heavy droplets of blood that Levi had spent hours scrubbing out of his own clothing and whatever kerchief he had given Eren at the time.

And all that suffering. Every life lost. Every bone shattered. Every wail atop the rooftops of Shiganshina… all for this blank-eyed stare across the sea. This blank-eyed stare that, maybe, even, does not look at the water they had all suffered for — Eren’s eyes likely look to the horizon, to the setting sun, to the next set of invisible walls that must trap them all in.

Levi crosses his arms. The crashing of waves sounds a bit like a storm. He lingers at the shore’s edge. Eren’s back is to him, knee deep in ocean water. The legs of his pants are soaked through.

And something horrific grips Levi as he watches Eren. A physical tightness around his chest. A hollow sort of ache against his temples. He wishes it were anger, but it’s so obviously not. He’s self aware enough to recognize the upward lift of malice, how it shoots like a sparkler up his spine.

But, this feeling is heavy, like he’s bogged down by water. Drowning in the ocean that Eren won’t even look at.

Levi manages a few steps forward, risking ankle-deep water to call out to him:

“Hey.”

They’re alone. The others are some two kilometers away at the campsite, preparing a dinner that Levi suspects he and Eren would miss. The sky is pinking, the last curve of the sun dipping below the horizon. The waves glow orange in its light. Eren’s hair is long enough to float in the cold breeze skating off from the water, the wayward strands of his hair highlighted in the sunset’s glow.

When he turns and trudges back, Eren wears that same tired expression. He nods at Levi — a sign that he heard him — but says nothing more. Sand sticks to their feet as they make their way past dunes and up the shallow incline that eases into grassy earth.

They’re wiping the sand from their feet when Levi grunts, “You see everything you needed to, then?”

“Yeah,” says Eren.

“You just wanted to get your pants wet?”

“No,” he says, and his hands stop fiddling with his boots. He runs a palm over the wet legs of his trousers. He’s seated on the grass.

“I just wanted to come here,” and Eren’s voice is low-pitched and slow, his eyes always looking dazed. “I don’t really know why. Sorry I dragged you along, Captain.”

“You must have had a reason for it.”

Eren’s lips press into a line. He throws his socks and shoes aside and folds his arms around his bended knees. Tilts his head back and looks up to the heavens. “I…” he starts. And it takes him a long while to say anything more, long enough for Levi to sigh and take a seat beside him. Shoes and socks and their sock garters all tossed alongside together.

Levi stares at the ocean. Watches the give and pull of the same waves again and again as he waits.

Finally, Eren says, “I’m sorry. For everything. For everything that happened before today and everything that’s going to happen after today.”

Levi quirks a brow and offers something of a smirk. “Glad you’re smart enough to already pre-apologize, idiot. It won’t let you off the hook.”

“I know. But, I just wanted to say it.”

Levi shakes his head. “Try and shape up. I’m sick of giving you excuses.”

That hollow ache still gnaws at Levi. Even sitting nearby — just an arm’s distance away — it’s so obvious how far Eren is slipping from what he was and who Levi knows. A bright spark diminished, a bold eagerness quieted. In a way, it could be misconstrued for the calmness maturity brings. But, this goes further than that. 

Everything is changing. It would have been foolish to have expected Eren to not change alongside of it.

But this—

“You know,” says Levi, and it’s sudden enough of a remark for Eren to blink in surprise at his voice. “With the Survey Corps, even if you survive on the field, that doesn’t mean it’s over. There’s a lot of trauma that happens. Even if someone comes back physically, they don’t come back mentally.”

Eren shifts his position, putting his weight onto his hands. “My, um, dad took care of soldiers like that. A lot of them actually.” And Eren almost sounds like himself. Emotion back in his voice; his tone no longer quiet and lethargic. 

“I remember, this one soldier I met,” he continues. “I was just a kid, but I’ll always remember his hands were shaking so bad, and he could never get them to stop. He couldn’t even hold a spoon or put his clothes on, on his own. And another guy just… I think he was my age now, I think. But, I remember he would just scream and scream and he couldn’t stop screaming. My mom was at her wits end, having him at the house.”

Levi snorts. “And still you joined the scouts. Like a fucking dumb shit.”

“And still I joined the scouts.”

It hasn’t been that long, if Levi goes by the numbers. Four years now, maybe, that they’ve known one another. But it feels like decades. Survival and suffering in this world outside the walls does that, Levi figures. There’s enough emotion packed into a span of months that other forms of camaraderie can barely touch in their decades.

“Eren,” Levi mutters. The sky has eased into a dark blue. The air has gotten colder. The silvery moon reflects in the ocean’s tide. “Are you alright?”

Eren’s expression twitches. Now, he’s finally looking at the sea. Levi catches the downward curl of Eren’s lips — it’s short, fleeting, but there all the same before his face settles back into its mask.

“There’s a lot…” tries Eren, “Going through my head right now. Just… a lot of things. I know it probably seems like I’ve changed a lot, huh?”

“Yeah,” Levi sighs. “But, honestly, everyone does.”

Eren frowns. Maybe he doesn’t believe it. “You too, even? Ah, no, someone told me… Hange? Someone told me you entered the corps to try and kill Erwin. But, I figured that can’t be true.”

Levi’s headache is growing stronger. A stone feels like it’s dropped in his stomach. This emotion, Levi can put a name to immediately: guilt.

“You could argue that didn’t change,” says Levi, trying to find humor. “I killed him in the end, didn’t I?”

But his sarcasm tastes too much like bitterness. Like pain. Like ire. It’s too vulnerable, both in tone and words. Levi regrets it immediately.

Eren’s staring at him, his body half-turned toward Levi. His lips are parted from, what? Shock? Pity? For someone once so easy to read, it’s becoming a struggle to pin specific emotions on Eren any longer.

Levi sighs, is about to open his mouth to brush off the comment when Eren cuts in —

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you do that.”

“You didn’t convince me of anything.” Levi rolls his eyes. He’s unsure if he’s telling the truth or lying. “Don’t give yourself so much credit. Brat.”

Eren licks his bottom lip. Leans just a half bit closer. “But if I hadn’t…” He takes in a breath. Eases back to his spot. His eyes are back to the horizon. “Then why did you choose Armin?”

“You know why, Eren.”

They’ve been similar, always. He and this damn brat, always after the same goal and the same future. It was a similarity Levi had found in none other, not with Erwin and his short-term basement. Not with Hange and her scientific mind.

But with Eren and those big aspirations he and Armin had conjured—

“When things start changing,” Eren suddenly whispers, and he’s far gone again. His eyes seeing past the stars and the ocean and going eons ahead where Levi can’t follow. “When things start changing, just know that everything I’ve ever wanted — for who we are as people and for the freedoms we deserve — will never change. Captain, I hope… I really hope you remember that.”

Levi’s shoulders feel heavy, but that throbbing in his head has ceased. He cracks his neck and groans, “Go write some fucking poetry, Eren.”

Eren shakes his head. His brows are knit into worry. Lips open in anguish.

“I mean it,” he says, and he’s looking at Levi. And, god, his face has gotten slimmer. Longer. Cheekbones more forward; that rounded face long gone. Was Levi only noticing it now? It’s a nice look. “I know I’m coming off as… I don’t know… sentimental.”

“A sappy lunatic, more likely.”

“But. Please. I want us to be free. All of us.”

And, finally, there’s an honesty there. Something recognizably familiar in Eren’s eyes when Levi looks at him. That dumb aspiration; that eager determination. So wholly familiar that Levi aches at the sight of it.

And Levi finally places that emotion that had been gripping him for so long. The emotion that had tethered to him with every glance of Eren’s empty eyes and his gaunt, listless figure that seemed so easily swallowed by the horizon.

Sorrow.

Levi was feeling goddamn sorrow.

It’s Eren who moves first, who crosses the short bit of space between them. Who scoots closer and grabs Levi by the shoulders. He repeats again: “Please.”

“Calm down.”

“Captain.”

“Eren.”

Levi shrugs his hands off and stands. “Let’s go,” he says. He’s sick of the cold. Sick of the sound of water. Sick of the feeling. “Sasha’s probably eaten our damn dinner by now.”

“One last look,” says Eren, standing as well. But he moves in the opposite direction: toward the shore.

“No fucking way.”

“Captain.”

“You like getting your teeth busted out?”

“Please?”

Eren’s already down the slope and waits at the bottom. “One last time,” he says. “Just one last—”

Eren’s cut off by his own gasp, an abrupt reaction to how quickly Levi descends the dune and strikes him. He’s on the ground in moments, landing against the sand and gripping his stomach where Levi’s fist had landed.

“Mutinous fucker,” says Levi, but there’s no malice in his voice. He kicks Eren over, moving him from lying on his side onto his back, and drops to his knees to pin him against the beach. Eren blinks up at him, a thin, small smile on his lips despite the pain.

“I did,” chides Eren, “Apologize already for anything I’d do in the future.”

Levi snorts. “Like I’d abide by that.”

“I figured, sir.”

And it’s still there: some hint of the idiot who had existed before the commencement ceremony. Still, somehow, Eren Jaeger despite it all.

Despite whatever is going on in him.

Slowly, softly, Eren grips Levi’s hips, his thumbs coming to rest along the curve of his iliac bones. He takes a deep breath. His hair is splayed in the sand, his eyes slide across Levi’s face. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Not for this. I’m glad we’re here. And I know I’m saying it again but… for everything. Everything else. I’m sorry.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Eren ignores him. “Will you trust me?”

“With you acting so damn cryptic? No.”

“Okay,” Eren sighs. “Yeah, that makes sense.” His fingers have begun to rub circles along Levi’s hips. 

“When’s the last time we fucked?” asks Eren suddenly.

It’s so vulgar and blunt that Levi’s half-worried he’s the one who's been corrupting Eren all along.

“The night before we took Shiganshina,” Levi says.

Three years ago.

“I went and found you,” Eren smiles sadly at the memory. “In your room. I was half drunk—”

“Totally drunk.”

“—and asked you to fuck me against the floor.”

“Begged, more like it.”

“And before that?”

“Fuck if I know.”

“After one of Hange’s experiments. Before we abandoned our hideout. Remember? There’s been a lot that’s happened since then. God.” Eren chokes out a laugh. It’s a painful sound. “God.”

“Eren.”

“Can we… again? Right now?”

Levi wrinkles his nose. “No way in hell I’m fucking on goddamn sand.”

“Alright, on the grass.” Eren rolls his hips from beneath Levi. “Anywhere. I don’t care.”

Of course he wouldn’t. 

“But,” Eren sighs. “Can I, um…”

_Those goddamn ‘um’s.’_

Eren reaches upward, his arms slinking behind Levi’s neck. He hangs his weight there for a moment; his breath coming quick from his open mouth. And then he pulls, shifting his weight onto Levi’s neck, guiding him downward to crash his lips onto his. 

And Levi lets him. It’s the first time Eren’s been brave enough to do so. It’s the first time, ever, they’ve shared something as small and intimate and stupid as a kiss. And it’s obvious, really, in the way Eren kisses. How sloppy and needy the kiss feels. How he runs his lips over Levi’s without rhythm or purpose, gasping open-mouthed when Levi runs his tongue against his. 

Eren smells like the ocean — like salt and sweat and sand. Still kissing him, Levi brushes hair from the boy’s face. Cups his hands around his jawline and presses the kiss deeper. Eren groans. He props up a knee and uses this bent leg to lift his hips higher, pressing his pelvis against Levi’s ass.

Levi sways his hips back, running further friction and pressure against Eren’s obvious erection. Levi’s hands are in Eren’s hair, gripping him around the curve of his skull. Eren breaks the kiss, his head pulling back, as a small hiss of pleasure passes through his teeth. Levi repeats the same motion and Eren’s hands snap back to his hips. He grips hard enough to hold Levi in place and grinds his pelvis against him in desperation. 

“Can we,” Eren breathes. He repeats the same motion. Whines out a groan. “Can we just do it here?”

“Fine.” And Levi moves. He’s fast to break from Eren’s grip. Even faster in undoing their belts and pulling their trousers down to their ankles. Eren remains on his back. 

“What do you want?”

“Anything,” Eren pants. “Anything. Just… kiss me again.” 

And Levi’s back on him, stretching his body flat on Eren’s as he draws him into another kiss. He grinds his cock against Eren’s — can already feel the pre-come warm and wet on his stomach, the horny brat. Eren’s fisting his hair; holding tight and desperate as he rolls his hips against Levi’s. 

Eren breaks away. “Fuck me. Please. I—”

Levi spits in his hand and throws Eren’s legs over his shoulders. Without preparation, without any sort of slick oil or lubricant, Eren’s nails dig deep into Levi’s arms when Levi first presses his cock in. Eren’s chest rises and falls in quick succession. His lips part in a groan. Levi waits for him to ease before he presses further in. 

“God,” Eren whimpers. His grip on Levi’s arms is finally relaxing and, in turn, Levi wraps a hand around Eren’s cock, returning it to full erection with short, quick pumps around the head. Eren arches into the touch. He tightens around Levi and pulls him in for another open-mouthed kiss. 

It feels different than it had before. More intimate and strange. Eren wraps his arms around Levi’s shoulders and holds him close, bringing their chests together, flush and panting. And Levi buries his face in the crook of Eren’s neck, drags his lips over stubble and over a carotid artery that beats blood fast, fast, fast beneath the skin. 

Eren makes a little gasp and Levi sits upright again, adjusting their position, when he notices something wet and shiny against the curve of Eren’s cheek. 

Tears?

Eren must have caught on that in this cloudless, bright night, that Levi’s hips had stalled at the sight of them. He wipes desperately at his face and lets out a heavy sigh. 

“Sentimentality,” he says. As if that explains anything.

Levi doesn’t ask further. He doesn’t want to know; it pinpricks at something he’ll never be ready for. Something that goes beyond the carnal banality of what this was always supposed to be (and clearly failed at being). 

He flips Eren onto his hands and knees and leans against him again, pushing in with a better ease than before. “Save it for after,” he says, and Eren nods.

And then the spell is over. Whatever odd mix of emotions that had elicited tears settled back into its desperate need. Eren’s hand goes to his own dick and he tightens around Levi. Pushes his hips back to coax Levi deeper into him. 

“I’m thinking, right now,” Eren mutters. His voice is low and gravely. Half-dazed sounding, but in the best way. “Of the first time…”

“Uh-huh.” Levi feels close. The tense curl in his whole body thudding, thudding, thudding. 

“I was just like this. On my hands and knees but my head was pressed into the pillows.”

“Yeah…”

“And then, the night after, when you came into my mouth...”

“ _Fuck_.” And Levi sees stars. Lolls his head to the side and feels his body tense and release in a staggering orgasm. His hips twitch, bobbing within Eren as his heat spills within him. Levi’s lips press together. His brows narrow. Then his jaw goes slack, heavy pants drifting from his mouth to the air. 

When he pulls out, Eren moves immediately. He’s upright on his knees and crashes his lips onto Levi’s again, throwing them back onto the sand with Levi beneath him. The kiss is frantic. Eren’s hands won’t stop moving, threading from the crown of Levi’s head to his neck and back again.

“I wish we did this more,” says Eren between a kiss. “I wish we always did this. I wish we could do this forever.”

“Shut up,” Levi pants. His head is still hazy. 

Eren’s lips are back on him. He’s grinding his erection against the curve of Levi’s right hip. He comes, groaning into Levi’s open mouth. His body sputtering and twitching in an orgasm.

They lie there for a moment. Dazed. Tired. Awkward. Eren’s gripping onto him still, and Levi’s half afraid that sentimentality would ebb back into the night. 

But instead, they rinse their bodies in the ocean (much to Levi’s apprehension of the cold, dark seawater) and return to the easy lull of silence as they prepare their return to camp. 

They’re halfway there and the moon is full. They ride their horses close together. And, Levi says:

“How much longer do you have to live?”

Eren doesn’t hesitate. “Five more years. Ymir’s curse began when I was nine, so five more years.”

Levi nods. That ache is back in his chest, swooping in his stomach. He doesn’t realize he’s gripping the horse’s reins more tightly. 

“Then use those five years wisely,” he says.

Eren is silent for a moment. The sound of the horses' hooves the only noise. Until he says with a gentle voice:

“I will, sir. I want to do what’s best.” 

Levi tips his head to look at the stars, to that limitless night that must stretch out across that ocean. 

And agrees, “I know you will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Should you like this fic, or just have any thought or critiques, please, please let me know. 
> 
> Comments let me know there would be interest in further fics, or give me a chance to adjust any writing in the future. 
> 
> Thank you! Be safe out there!


End file.
